Unkindly Showing Kindness
The past few days have taken their toll. The cancer in my abdomen is growing. I can feel it expanding with my fingertips. The pain is getting worse. Every day is worse than the day before. I am taking pain medicine around-the-clock now. I sleep about 60-90 minutes at a time. I yearn for an uninterrupted six hours of sleep. Or for an hour of no pain.
And yet through it all, I am seeing blessings. People continue to shower us with notes of encouragement or with checks. Those who love us are helping us get things in order. While it hurts to finalize things, it gives me peace knowing my wife and kids will be taken care of.
Everything is a gift from God. This life appears to be simply a sequence of blessings prompting a response of worship to God. And so I worship Him through the pain. He shows me kindness.
John Piper says it beautifully in his book on Job:
The Lord has made me drink
The cup of his severity
That he might kindly show to me
What I would be when only he
Remains in my calamity.
Unkindly he has kindly shown
That he was not my hope alone.
God unkindly showed kindness to Job. And He is unkindly showing kindness to me.
God has never promised me tomorrow; but God has promised me eternity.
I’m sorry that you are in so much pain. I wish I could take it away. Te quiero mucho, mi primo.
I PRAY…. for strength, healing, and wisdom!!!! I love you Zac! If you are in need of anything please let me know, Im a flight away, or phone call, or email, or snail mail.
Seriously your faith astounds me! You have been such an awesome Christ follower who always challenged me, thank you for that! I wouldnt be where I am without you and your fam! I thank God for you!
Lisa
Zac
Honestly I do not really know what to write. Thank you for letting me in on a small fragment of your journey with God through all this. You have challenged me to the core of my being. To write this knowing the truth of it is just incredible. I will continue to hold you up to God every day. Thank you.
Billy
When I read these words my heart and soul cries out “Oh my lord, bless this man, bless this family with your unyielding love.”
I can’t help but to hurt inside. Since we met years ago and found instant friendship I have counted you as a brother in Christ and a brother in this journey through life.
I love you Zac and I will continue to pray for you and your family.
These are the only words of God I hear now…
Blessed are the children who walk in the Lord.
Blessings and joy shall be theirs.
Theirs is the bounty, the fruit of the vine.
Theirs is the joy of God’s care.
Hello Zac,
I have just recently learned about your cancer. Just wanted you to know you are in our prayers. I live in Hancock, Maine not far from Bar Harbor. Our Church sponsored your parents for a number of years while they were on the mission field. I pray you have a little better afternoon. Would like to drop you a card. What is your address. I also know this can be a difficult time for your wift and children. I pray God will wrap his arms around them also and comfort them.
Prayers and love in Christ.
Today the clouds in my soul just needed to be cleared away so that I could see the hope that is all mine in Jesus. Thank you, dear Zac, for your reminder to me of God’s faithful kindness in the middle of the yuck.
Grace & Peace to you, Zac.
Prayed for you and your family today.
Zac, you have taught me so much over the last year! As I read your writing, I cry, pray, and then agree with you that our God is good, and shows us kindness in the midst of all the pain. You continue to teach me by your example that He is glorified in all things! Love and prayers from Tucson.
We continue to hold you up everyday. The insight the Lord gives you through this very hard trial continues to minister to me and to my family. Thank you for being used by the Lord in ALL of it! Love, blessing and peace over you, Mandy, Lizzy, Jake and Luke! As always, we will continue to hold up your mom, dad and Stacey too!
My heart is sad that you have to be in so much pain. Thank you for teaching me about God’s kindness, love, mercy. Thank you for your example of faithfulness and obedience to my nietos. I am praying for you constantly.
’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise, And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him! How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! Oh, for grace to trust Him more! – Louisa Stead
I love you, Zac.
[...] Zac’s blog [...]
I am sorry for your pain and yet rejoice in your faith! Which ever way this goes God IS and WILL Glorify Himself through your life!
love you, zac.
Dear Zac, A very dear friend of ours suffered through rhabdomyosarcoma a year and a half ago. His last words as he raised his hands in the air were Praise the Lord. He was 22. I know if this is God’s will for you, you will be praising the Lord. What is so wonderful is how you are praising the Lord now. Your courage and your testimony are a blessing to all of us. We pray for you and your family every day.
We just watched your video at the Church IT Roundtable, and prayed for you. May the grace of God be full upon you.
Zac, we will press on in prayer 4 that miracle. We love you and miss you guys tremendously.
Zac,
I look back on our years together when our families where in young couples group at Calvary Baptist. We were so blessed by the relationships that God cultivated during that time. Jacqueline, the girls and I so enjoyed the genuine friendships and just being able to spend evening talking and throwing the football at each other in your living room. Those years will always bring smiles to my heart, Luke made a great Batman. I am also thankful for you and Tim being used by God to stretch us into serving with FUEL. God has had His hand on every detail of our lives and he is faithful, He is the good shepherd. We will continue to pray for healing and relief for you and your family.
We love you guys so much.
(I promise to write more often)
In God’s love,
Garett and family
This was hard to read. I don’t like how final it sounds… I don’t want it to be true. I’m so sorry for your suffering and many a night I have found myself awake and have prayed for you. God is good, but I don’t like this!! Zac, you are an amazing person and I marvel at how you have allowed God to work through as you battle this cancer. Praying for peace, grace, and comfort for you and your family. Love the Bundys.
Your story has changed mine. And I have been encouraged towards love and faithfulness that I hadn’t before paid attention to. Thank you for having enough courage and trust to share.
May you be blessed beyond measure.
Zac, I don’t know if you will remember me. My parents are missionaries to Peru and I was a teenager when we visited your parent’s home in Quito. You and Stacey were several years younger than my brother and sister and me. My husband and I are now raising support to go to Peru through the BBFI. Your parents have shared this website with us and my husband and I have been praying for you and your family for many months now. I am truly sorry that you are going through this. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this has all been for you and your family. It is amazing to me how God has given you such grace during this time. Thankyou for your faithful example of trusting the Lord even in the worst of circumtances. We are praying for all of you many times during the day. May God give you an extra amount of grace and peace today and ease your pain.
Amy Pointer
Thank you for standing faithfully as a soldier of Christ. You are truly “giving a reason for the hope that is in you,” and your testimony is spreading to those you will never know.
Candice
I wish that our tears and prayers could change all of this, Zac. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your complete surrender to God in the midst of your pain. I continue to pray…
Zac, I graduated from Alliance the year before you arrived. Skip is my brother. We played your video in church this week (your parents are coming to lead a missions conference here in Puerto Rico). I haven’t ever quite seen our church so ministered to.
In 2003, we held our daughter and son as they passed away after a fight in the NICU. We had spent years trying to conceive, and the sting of having these two miracles ripped away felt so unfair. Those desperate hours we spent praying, and feeling so powerless felt like years. I remember feeling such resounding faith that God was going to heal them. I remember being completely confused when He didn’t. I often wonder what it would be like to have a 7-year old son to play soccer with. A lifetime unlived.
I don’t know what is in store for you. I can’t address God’s Purpose. If I were in your position, I would be most anguished over not being around for my family. Wanting to be there for those big life events. But Zac, it’s entirely possible a father could spend the rest of his life here on earth, meeting every physical and emotional need and never leave a spiritual legacy for his children. All the things we’re engrained to “provide” for our families are meaningless on the day of reckoning. But Zac, your attitude, your example, your words are a model that will be part of your family forever. It’s a spiritual imprint that cannot be removed. It’s the best legacy you can leave your family. In the end, it’s the only legacy God will measure you by. Keep fighting, bro.
Zac, I hold you in prayer brother. We have never met. I feel a connection as I am also battling stage 4 stomach and esophageal cancer. I’v had surgery, radiation and chemo. I have 6 weeks of chemo to go. My last PET scan was cancer free, praise Jesus. I’m 25 with a wife and son. You are an example to me. Thank you for your honesty and courage. May the Lord Jesus grant you the grace to live well and die well, whether that be this year or 60 years from now. Keep fighting and I’ll keep praying for your complete healing.
Zac,
I worked with Amanda at Angie’s in Castle Rock, CO. We became very close friends and I’ve thought of her and your family everyday since you left. I can’t explain what an amazing person I think you are. I enjoy learning from your wisdom that extends well beyond your years. I’m touched by your faith in Jesus and your dependency on him, even in these difficult days. I love your whole family more than you know and will continue to send up prayers from Colorado!!
Zac, learned of you though Rob Andrea. Your testimony is very powerful. I too am praying for you and your family. Blessings.
Good morning Zac and family,
I pray that today God is giving you some comfort. Just wanted to check in on how you are all doing. I am still praying for a miracle for you. My key verse is Romans 8:28. May all things work together for you and your family. Love in Christ, Barbara
Zac, through your beautifully written blog…I fall deeper in love with God. The reality of Christ in your life is tangible. It’s so easy for us to glorify God when everything is going well…but you…through God in you, are glorifying Him through this run in with cancer.
You wear your Father’s name well,
Blessings to you and your family.
Tami
John Knight (Works of God) linked to the video – and I googled to find your blog.
Praying here in Canada. Thank you for sharing the wonder of God’s severe mercy to you.