Looking Minnesota But Feeling California
Tomorrow is chemotherapy treatment number two. While this gives me a considerable amount of grief, I want to acknowledge the past few days. I am grateful to God for the past few days, for I feel better now than I can remember feeling in the past year. Think about that for a moment. I feel better right now than I have in the past year.
Aside from the five-second-ice-pick-in-my-liver pain I feel a few times a day, I have no physical suffering. I am often hungry and I eat often — even ice cream. I am doing a little bit of exercise. (Really?) I am also feeling quite positive emotionally and spiritually. I have truly enjoyed my wife and kids over the past few days. I do not look the best, I’m sure. I have lost some weight — presently at 149 lbs. So I feel like Bizarro Outshined (from Soundgarden): “I’m looking Minnesota, but feeling California.” In other words, I feel great. And I thank God for it all.
And yet I feel like I am about to descend into a cave of darkness and gloom. I am bracing for impact. I am fully expecting a sharp decline. My prayer is that it will not be as painful as the first time — even though I am told it will get worse and worse. My prayer is that a few days afterward I will be feeling like this again — even though I am told I should not expect this to last.
I would really like to skip the chemo altogether. I would like to go on living this week like I did last week. I would love to pretend I do not have cancer and just enjoy the summer. But knowing [and feeling] firsthand what cancer can do to my body, I accept that this treatment is the way to go. So… upward and onward.
Hey… I like Minnesota!
I’m happy that you’ve been doing well and have had the opportunity to feel your best. That is truly awesome given the circumstances. Prayin’ for you tomorrow during your chemo treatment.
Stay positive and remain strong in your faith. Prayer has amazing power.
Yes — I like MN, too. Not as much as CA, though. Thanks for the prayers!
praying for you bud. I am so looking forward to you ministering @ Grace just prior to treatment #3. So, I too am hoping you feel good again after this next treatment.
Zac, we are praying for you! Had a great time with your mom and Stacey and her two little girls over coffee and ice cream a couple of weeks ago. We, too, are trying to understand all this cancer stuff.
Just keep helping us all to “come together with your hands” – love you man!
Zac, as a fellow cancer survivor I’m truly enjoying your perspective on this chemo thing. Before you know it you’ll be saying ONE MORE TO GO. We pray for you every day here at the Mission Office. Keep on keeping on!