One Down, Eleven To Go
Each individual who endures chemotherapy responds differently. And each of the four chemo drugs that I am on (Avastin, 5-FU, Leucovorin, and Eloxatin) has a juicy, long list of side effects. I understand that as the chemo treatments progress the side effects will worsen. But after this first treatment, I can safely assess how my body reacts to this cocktail of drugs.
The primary side-effects I have noticed are fatigue and loss of appetite. I have had some occasional nausea and headaches. It is hard to sleep when I have the fanny-pack pump connected since it vibrates and makes a noise every 30 seconds. It is only now, about three days after starting chemo, that I am starting to feel a little bit of energy. I have eaten about one meal a day for the past three days — today I hope to eat a little more. Another odd side-effect is the reaction in my mouth to cold drinks. Whenever I put something cold in my mouth, it feels like I am licking a nine-volt battery: electricity shoots throughout my mouth and teeth. When I put some foods in my mouth — I have yet to discover the pattern — my jaw tingles at the joints and I have difficulty swallowing. this all contributes to my lack of appetite and furstrates me since I love drinking cold milk and water. I have subsisted on room-temperature water and Gatorade for the past few days.
I’m happy that my father was able to be here for a few days during this first treatment. I am finding it hard to remember a lot about the past few days, but I know the kids enjoyed hanging out with him.
I have no way of knowing, of course, how the chemo is working on my cancer, but I hope and pray that it is doing a bigger number on the cancer than it is on my body. When I look at the prospect of eleven more iterations of this, I am overcome by agony. This genuinely sucks. But I have committed to my family, my doctor, and myself that I will do what I can to beat this. So: one down, eleven to go.
There for awhile, Zac, all of my meals were cans of Ensure. I think there were about 3-4 days of it. I have a back-up supply in the fridge, as well as a couple of gallons of Gatorade (next round coming up)… jokingly I was thinking all that I needed to complete the picture was a grouchy demeanor, housecoat, some slippers, a cane and some noisy kids in the street I could go out and yell at… “Oh, there’s ol’ man Dan, again, let’s get outta here.”
Wait a minute, I have all of those things already…
I’m not going to say it gets easier. Probably won’t. You might start to tolerate or get used to the sensations… but, that’s not much consolation. I am thinking a lot about you and doing what little I can to send waves of positive energy your way. Take it a day at a time, that way your not anticipating the next round as much. As for the sleep, a shot or two of whiskey might help (and provide an interesting sensation of tingliness, electricity, heat, and who knows what else), or there’s Tylenol PM.
Thank you for describing so vividly what you are going through, Zac. The words you use are gifts that paint real pictures in my mind and heart and fuel my prayers before the Throne of Grace on your behalf. . . Today I’m thanking the Lord that you have regained some strength and am praying that you will truly enjoy your warm beverages
Hey Zac,
Maybe you should change your blog name to Hello? Right On! Hang in! Praying for you today. I’m sure chemo does suck but we are joining you in prayer that it is effective and doing the job against the bad cells. SO glad to hear Jim was there with you this last week. Good Father’s Day blog stuff too. Good father! Love and blessings to the fam.
me