I Am Sick Of Cancer
—WARNING: this may contain some hard-to-read honesty—
I am sick of cancer. I am really sick of having cancer. Here are some specifics:
- I am sick of the residual pain from my surgeries
- I am sick of the consistent pain all over my body
- I am sick of looking ahead to chemotherapy
- I am sick of constantly thinking about death
- I am sick of not being able to wrestle with my kids
- I am sick of being tired all the time
- I am sick of not being able to do things around the house
- I am sick of not feeling very productive at work
- I am sick of naps
- I am sick of trying to be upbeat and positive all the time
- I am sick of not having enough money to pay for all these bills
- I am sick of planning things that very well may be beyond my lifespan
- I am sick of not knowing what to pray for anymore
- I am sick of losing weight
- I am sick of dwelling on all the screw-ups I have accomplished in my life
- I am sick of feeling like I repeatedly mess up the time I have with my wife and kids
- I am sick of reading about cancer and chemo on the Internet
- I am sick of not knowing the purpose in all of this
- I am sick of wanting to finish well and wondering if that is even possible
—BUT—
Every day is another day that I am alive. And I continue to believe there is a purpose. I also remain convinced that it is better to finish well than it is to squander that time away. In fact, the length of our earthly labor may not correspond to heavenly reward.
To wit: Check out the parable of the laborers in the vineyard in Matthew 20. Five groups of workers began work at different times of the day and yet all received the same payment. The ones who had worked the longest complain and the master answers, “Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?” Then Jesus continues, “So the last will be first, and the first last.”
While I may be sick of having cancer, I wil press on, continuing to seek the purpose and desiring to finish well.
It’s ok to be sick of it, Zac. I don’t think there is one person out there that would expect you to always be upbeat about this. It’s ok to mad and it’s ok to be sad. You have been very encouraging in all your writings…let others encourage you. So many love you and Mandy and the kids and are praying for your full recovery and also the peace & understanding that you need during this time. Lots of love
[My apologies to your gentle-hearted, more Christ-like friends that may be offended, but…] Cancer is bullshit. It sucks. Love God. Love others. Love yourself. HATE cancer. You can be pissed off at your disease state and still live your best life. Much love to you, friend.
Hi, you do not really know me……… My name is Andrea and i know your mom from the prison ministry in Quito. In my time there and most of the time your mom and others worked with me there, i was a mess. Even on the outside befor i ever got to prison i was a full on drug addict and a mess, trouble adored me. Well to make a long story short, in prison, in the worst of my years, i suddenly started to enjoy life and living, became a Christian and also i still had many draw backs and problems, i finally became a “normal” person. Look, i know that i am not sick and that your story has nothing to do with mine, but i learned that the Lord has a purpose and a calling for everything and every1. We might not be able to explain or understand what He is doing but i do know out of my own experience that our Lord makes a good end to any crises. In other words, He permittes crises in our lives so that He can work them for the better. I do hope that you recover and believe me, sometimes its good to be tired of everything. And never forget that He does work miracles. Love in Christ
Bless your honesty, my friend. Love you. Carrying you in my heart.
amen, zac. you get to be sick of it, because it sucks. it’s perfectly acceptable to be sick of things that suck. praying for you, that God will bring you great, great comfort and, if possible, some understanding. among other things. -m
Hey Zac, I’m sick with you bro! Please know we’ll be praying all day tomorrow and through the week. God’s grace is great but that doesn’t make it anymore pleasant on this side. Much love and blessing to you. Glad your dad will be there! Praying for Mandy and the kids too!
Wanda
Zac……this side of heaven has all the crap, doesn’t it?!? PLease know Brandon and I love and miss you guys! Tell the fam hello!
Psalm 4:8 “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Oh Lord, make me dwell in safety.”